Thursday, February 01, 2007

Ram alone

Vishwanathan and Ramamoorthy are busy swindling the finances of Pamban Kuzhu. They have no time for Raman. Friends around are getting settled. The fire is burning. The Yagam has begun. It smells here in Dallas. "When is my time? ", yearns Raman. Kaushik tied the knot, Kunju in April, Jackie engaged, Eeyan - half of China. Bharath is no longer the yardstick - he has been married for almost a decade now. Iyer Balaji has two kids and even the good old Suchi is expecting a baby in June. Kadir has responsibilities, remember Saravanan and Raj - he has to make sure they are settled.
"I am now a US return. With this I should be able to score in B'lore. ", Raman consoling himself. Literally satisfying himself, if you know what I mean.

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Thursday, September 14, 2006

Whats in the names.....

Been a while since we looked at annachi vazhi. Iyan bought up the names list and asked someone to do a writeup....today morning in office looks like the perfect time.....

I will provide you will the names and the explanations for the names. Most of these names originate from a popular gang in "Bharathidasan colony". Bharathidasan would have changed his name if he knew people like this inhabited the colony.....2 people we know are Bharath and his bro om prakash. For some reason, they always call it "Kaalny" instead of "colony". I even think bharath and co made a protest near udhayam theatre to change the spelling to "kaalny".......

Every one has some dreaded fears, diseases, weakness and so on. The speciality of the Kaalny boys is to name them in such a way that they can never forget it. Everytim some one calls him he should be reminded of this fear and should live with it all his life.

(1) "Thol" Karthick. This guy was having some issues with his skin. He had some kind of scaled skin. Hence named appropriately. Some people even called him "Paambu thol kaarthick" to differenciate him from other karthicks with skin problems. In his next birth he should be born with feathers on his skin.

(2) "Kai" balaji. This guy doesnt have one hand. Hence the name. They also talk about his greatness, like "kai balaji can light 3 cigs in one hand and so on....." Kalyan used to call him Termi Balaji, because his right had had only 2 fingers and looked like a terminator it semms. Bless his soul. These guys were supposed to be thick friends.

(3) "Nondi" Saravanan. This guy is handicapped on his right leg. Cant walk properly. Hence the name. I think people also call him football saravanan, since the way he walks looks like delivering a football kick. Excellent...

(4) "Potti" Murugan. This guy doent not own a potti kadai, as you may have guessed. He is an Iron Kaaran. From iron Potti it became Potti. This guy thinks he looks like ravi shastri. Maybe in front of chella, saabu, cherian and suresh....he probably does.....

(5) "Iyer" Balaji. This guys dad is a saastrigal. But balaji has been classified as an iyer only in the name, so that people can make fun. "iyer balaji, oru pidi thairu balaji" was a popular song on his praise.

(6) Kunju. Unfortunately, this time around it was our guy. Seshadri. I thik Arun Ramalingam kept this name some 15 years back, when he actually dint know how it might sound when you are called like that. The best instance of use of this name was by Ram, when he asked sesha's dad "Mama, neenga ondi vandhurukeenga, kunju varaliya".....awfully funny....Ram is divine....

(7) "Paan" Babu. Firstly he could have never given up a habit with that name. Secondly even if he gave up the habit no body would have believed him with this name.

(8) "Karuppu" Saravanan. Nothin much to say, he wasnt fair, that was the only problem.

(9) "Fighter" Saravanan. He was a stunt man. Not to forget, he always has his collar up...

(10) "Gundu" Ravi. very common name. Normally ravi's are fat.

(11) "singer" Ravi. He thought he was SPB, sang in all the wine shop sessions. I remember we have also clapped for it.

(12) "Vendha Vada" Venkatesh. I have allocated a seperate chapter for this guy.

Some people have the address of home and work place attached to their names, so that finding out their house becomes very easy. Its a very primitive form of GPS i guess. Some examples are
(1) "PUDUR" karna
(2) "RTO" Balaji
(3) "CPWD" Senthil
(4) "Ayodhya Kuppam" veeramani
(5) "10th sector" Thula singam
some others are a bit more patriotic, having their country name
(6) "Ceylon" Mani

and so on......

Some other examples have no relation with the actual names or physical form
(1) Iyan : This was vinods name, since he used his nose, more for speaking than his mouth. It had the "eeeeeeeeyaaaaannnnnnnnn kind of effect"
(2) SIR: A man who dint have education, who has never worked, all the time played cricket (that too pathetic) with children. He was called Sir, because he was tall. 8Th sector guys made up this name.
(3) Arnold. although he did fight like him, looked like skin on skeleton.

and so goes the never ending list.......

Monday, July 31, 2006

Waxing and Wa(r)ning




The priest does the yaagam with fire. Ram probably uses wax. Zoom out to see the wax oozing off of Ram's ears. First Suchi, now Kaushik his yagam is most likely to pickup momentum. Beware Iyan, Jackie, Guru and Kunju. You are playing with fire - oops! wax. It would be better to wait till Ram settles down before the next one decides to get engaged.

Btw. Sarathy and wife were missing from the scene. Did they have any AMWAY meeting to attend or did Kaushik forget to invite them?

Saturday, July 29, 2006

The Bemani Brothers feud. - Fiction

In a world where the elder brother sets "adiyals" to smash the younger one, this family was different. They were more than just brothers. They were close friends. Not only that, the whole family revolved around the two sons, making Visu's movies look pale and emotionless.

Ever since Anand Bemani moved to Bangalore, in pursuit of his technological dream, things have changed. The family is not the same anymore. Arun Bemani who returned to Chennai after his MBA, started working on a different agenda. He went for regular walks with his retired CEO dad. He talked business strategies, corporate culture, mergers, acquisitions and what not, preparing himself for a bright career - you would think. But that is not all. He was, all this while, working on his dad - to gain his confidence and size up a soft corner. He also got married and has a beautiful girl child. This ensures the soft corner from the mother.

All this while the small B (Anand Bemani) did not realize Big B's(Arun) big plans. He was working his ass off and landed himself in a pretty job in Silicon Valley. He has been sending much of his earnings to construct the second floor of the Bemani Palace. He is now in a state of shock that Big B, who is still in India, has been working towards inheriting the entire wealth accumulated for the most part by KNK and to an extent from his $ contributions. This feud has just begun. Fumes are just coming out. After the Ambani split, Indian markets have just settled down. Will Corporate India handle another business family feud? We will have to wait and see.

On the other hand, efforts from several industrial bigwigs like Annachi of he good old Three star, Mechanic Madhi and puncture Kabali, have offered mediation between the Bemani brothers to settle the dispute amicably. Big B however has not accepted any of these mediators as they are more likely to support the younger Bemani. From Big B's side there is a trustworthy business man who has offered help. Although the name is not revealed, it is believed that Big B has helped this business man for inventory purchases from suppliers and has also run errands on his behalf.

Keeping fingers crossed.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Ram's Pulugal

At Symphony's annual day. Ram, Kaushil and Me. The party started and dance floor was open.

Ram: Va da machaan, lets dance
Kaushik/Bharath: Illa da, we will stay here, but you go ahead and enjoy.
Ram: Ok guys!!
(Ram goes to end of the back stage and looks if we can see him from there. He thinks that he cannot be seen and starts dancing with one of those Service (cleaning) Girls there).

After some time of fun and frolic, Ram returns back..

Ram: Guys, it’s damn good. I think she is a Developer or QA. Must be 18, or 19, at the most 20 da. Looks like she is interested in me!!
Kaushik/Bharath: Is it? That's awesome...so, why don't you go and have some more fun.
Ram: Oh yeah, Just came to tell you that I am having good fun. ok guys, back in sometime.
Me to Kaushik: Dai, indha Service figure Ram ku Developer/QA ?
Kaushik: Mama, we will go there after 5 minutes and catch him RED HANDED..

After sometime, ram again returns and handovers his mobile, tag (that is all his dirty

accessories). Looks like they started stinking together!!

Ram: Guys, hold this for me, I will be back. Guys, there is lots of action happening

there!!
Bharath/Kaushik: Is it? Is she approaching you?
Ram: Hey, enna da pesara? We already are in love...she is flattered. Me too am, no time waste machann. See you guys. Will be back in sometime..

Me and Kaushik then go to the back stage and see Ram dancing with the Service Girl. RED HANDED!!

Me: Yenna da, Rama, idha attu figure kuda dance adinduruke?
Ram: Fuck illa da. I was dancing with her sister, she is a Developer cum QA in Symphony!!

Me and Kaushik had to drag and drop Ram in the Car and had him put him to a wash.

No money !!

We (Guru, Ram, and me) were returning from Chennai to Bangalore. We went to Ram's house to pick him and started the trip to Bangalore. I was driving the Car, when we crossed Porur. Suddenly Ram's mother calls on his mobile and tells him that he has left his keys behind.

Mom: You have left your dirty old pouch here...
Ram: oh no...
Mom: Come and take it, house keys are inside the pouch.
Ram: Seri ma, I will somehow walk or catch Auto or Bus and come and collect the keys.
(Bharath & Guru are quite perplexed at this).
Ram: Actually, formally, mistakenly, doubtfully...
Bharath: Foolishly
Ram: I left the keys, can we go back and pick them.
Bharath: Do we have a choice?
Ram: Yes, I can stay at your place for a week, till I get my keys back. Amritha, you will cook for me right?
Bharath: (Taking a Fast U Turn) Sorry Ram, even if we were closer to Bangalore, I would return to Chennai to get your keys.

A few miles away...

Guru: Bharath, I will calculate the Petrol Bills and send a mail about who should pay how much> I think Ram will have to pay a few bugs extra for that Porur-KK Nagar and back trip!! (Approximately 15 kms)
Ram: Hello, what are you talking? nvvqhkihghgtu D Tensiona calapade da..this month its very tight. Accenture is not paying me, I am working for charity. Rent, Petrol, electricity, food, maintenance etc etc etc. I don't have money. Lots of expense...I told you that I will stay at Bharath's house. You only told that we will go back and take the keys...
Guru: Rama, adhu epadi da, panatha pathi pesinale ne Hysteria patient madhri agidra?
Ram: Aiiyo, this month medicines selavu vera.

Minimum Costume!!

We (Kaushik, Guru, Ram, Sesha and me) had been to Chennai for Suchi's marriage. Suchi got married successfully. After marriage, Ram visit Suchi with the following costume - one torn burmuda, sleeveless Banyan and cap. Suchi gets a little perplexed.

Suchi: What is this Ram? How can you come like this?
Ram: What's wrong man? this is cool...
Suchi: No ram, this is heights of indecency.
Ram: Hello, I sometimes forget to wear this also when I visit Bharath's place.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Whats worse than the black cat bad omen....

Its been ages since we had anything running in this blog. The topic is sensitive but true. Funny but dangerous and as the only guy who can take the liberty, i am proceeding to document this yet again.

Some time in 1991, when i was in 8th grade, me and my friend decided to go and buy some clothes. As usual, we decided to go on my friends cycle (grey fighter) and just as we were leaving, a black cat crossed us. Needless to say, coming from conservative brahmin families, i was paranoid. I immedeatly asked my pal to turn around and take another route. All i heard back from him was a sound laugh, the one mixed with critisicm and amusement. The only words he said back (i can remember them after 15 years), "trust me machan".

We went, shopped happily and returned home. The shock was waiting for us near the same place where the black cat passed us by. The poor cat was lying dead, smashed like the coconuts in "thenga chutney". It was only then i realised, what was more dangerous than bad omen, was the one pal with whom i was spending my early days.....None other than my dear friend SUCHINDER.......

For all these 15 years, he's been lying quiet giving everyone else a chance to live. Until recently, when he got inspired to learn the mandolin. Not even 2 months have passed by, after he played his first few lessons to his master, the master has suffered a massive heart attack and is lying in the ICU for the past few days. Suchi has nothin to comment in this regard but to laugh at how easy these earthly creatures can be conned down......All he said was, i dont think he's gonna make it to hear me play.....

Long live suchindran.....he's closing his 996th birthday this year....:)

Friday, February 03, 2006

Operation Delta "KINGS COTTAGE IDENTITY"

Guys, after a long time, am back to annachi vazhi. And this time around we have a different real life story of one of the most dangerous and lethal operations carried out by the KGB (kathir/Ganesan Bharathwaj) secret agency in rememberance of our beloved kadir who started it.

PART I

It was early morning 25th jan, a cold foggy day in bangalore, when bharathwaj, an engineer from HP received a call on his mobile. It wasnt the routine support calls from customer this time. It was quite different....in fact it was something he never thought should happen again. A long long story forgotten for good. All one could see was the glitter in his eyes. It meant danger, it meant anger, it meant assanination, it meant........DELTA IS BACK. He dint utter a word until finally he put the phone and his past flashed thru his mind like a small blue film (where he acted and directed). He just dint expect he had to become "JASON BOURNE BHARATWAJ" again.

With a quite smile he assured amritha that everything was fine and told that he needs to leave for coorg on a holiday trip soon with the other guys. Only he knew, why this trip was planned and why D0 and D0.5 had called him after all these years of long silence........


PART II
JASON BOURNE BHARATWAJ, the man no one dared to know, the greatest assasin of all times trained by kadir carlos the jackal (from gooduvaanjeri) himself, an image that all secret organisations feared, a name that was created to kill the top terrorists in the world........after all his years as a cold blooded assasin with operations in every corner of the world had left his name and fame behind for his wife Amritha (bharath used to sing , Iyengaar veetu azhage to cover her). But now, the people who created him RAJESH (D0) and BALLU (D0.5) had begged him to come back as DELTA 1 (D1) for the most dreadfull of all operation ,still undone and no one but BOURNE BHARAT (shortform) can execute this.

The mission was to plant some devices in the deep forests of coorg (where the enemies have established base) and to monitor the enemies activities. By no means should the enemy have a living witness for this operation. That means, DEATH to anyone who comes in between and DEATH to anyone who gets caught. The enemies need to be watched day and night and all their activities taped and presented to the higher D's. The enemies were the RED ASS MONKEYS which inhabited the deep forest of coorg. The tape should contain scenes of these monkeys mating, which D0 and D0.5 had to sell for an enormous money to discovery channel. None who have attempted this have ever succeeded without getting bitten by them.

The mission needed to be carried out at any cost. The best possible team had to be assembled asap.

PARTIII

The only thing running in D1's mind while he was sipping the not so good coffee was, who need to be used for this operation. The rest of the D's should be the top in the world and no compromises. And of course, the reward was excellent. Every D would get a "Veshti + 1 Kilo rice + 100 Rs in cash". What more could you ask, a lifetime settlement.

As D1 browsed the top secret profiles, he started naming his team. A team that would live and die on his command. A team that would kill anyone or anything to protect the secrets and destroy the enemy.

D2
Thats me. I would defer telling about me for the rest of the blog.

D3
Ram was D3. By and large, the most destructive living chemical weapon. A million times powerfull than saddams inventions and osama's network. He would kill a city with just a pair of socks, or maybe wipe out a small town with his baniyan. His body was an Akshaya paatram full of strong chemicals. No one dared to know or handle this kind of a human bomb better than D1. So, D3 was back and he had no mercy in his eyes.

D4
Iyan. The operation specialist from southeast. His major strength was his enterprising voice, spoken thru the nose and his killer tattoo on his right shoulder. He could fight a bull barehanded. The only man alive who can drink old monk and lick pickles simultaneously. His expertise with throwing stones was his major plus. D4 was in.

D5
Guru. The stunning looks of a rock star, the speed of a 100 year old turtle, the laugh of ram cruise. In all he was a walking hollywood R...E....M....O remo remo types. We neede him to cover any girls or women in between operation who could be dangerous. Just like james bond types. D5 cant be avoided.

D6
Suchi. The oldest of the lot. The only indian agent who screwed the CIA in a credit card game. Master of yoga and Dhandaals. Cuts of brucelee, muscle of Arnold Shivaajinagar and brains of...lets forget it. He was a one man army, a combat machine. D6 was called back to service after long years of retirement.

D7
Sesha. The communication specialist. Any form from the primitive tarzan shouts to the latest SMS. He could send an SMS with 24 characters in .065 seconds to anyone. Imagine, he says good morning at 12.01 sharp everyday. The communication speacialist was in.

D8
Driver Rajesh. Most stupid of all, he hardly knew to drive, but was a close associate of D3 and D5. He never likes to drive on the road and needs continuous supply of cig and liquor to keep up the speed. He was out transporter!!!!

Together with the team, D1 (JASON BOURNE BHARATWAJ, BLUE WHALE BHARATWAJ, PYTHON BHARATWAJ) was all set, armed to the teeth, and ready to leave with the puliyodarai and curd rice with pickles from amritha.

The instructions were repeated and the last words by D1 before boarding was "ALL THE D's, follow me".......we repeated "YES SIR" and we were off.....

To be continued